Overcoming your shyness

Shyness is a normal phenomenon.
Everyone feels shy.

• What is shyness?

In psychology, shyness is the tendency to feel awkward, worried or tense during social encounters, especially with unfamiliar people (www.apa.org). Some people show it much while some do, they are extremely shy. Their shyness is so intense, that it can keep them from interacting with others over when they want or need to, leading to problems in relationship and work. I want to address this kind of shyness. Some people make statements like, 'I can't speak in public', 'me go talk to them?, No way'. Statements of a shy mundane. I also have made such statements in my life.

Then, I do blame my shyness on my temperament- I'm a pure melancholy. One of the qualities of a melancholy is introverted. Remember an introvert is shy. Blaming your shyness on your gene or temperament is not bad, but doing nothing about it would cost you a lot. Let this be made clear, shyness is a hindrance. You can lose so many opportunities to shyness, when you need to ask questions- you can't, when you need to seek help- you can't, when you need to seek advice- you can't, all because you are shy .

One thing you should know about shyness is that it is a FEAR. Some might say it is a response to fear but either way, it is related to fear. The fear of the unknown, the fear of being judged, the fear of what they think, the fear of what's going to happen if you make a mistake.... that's what shyness is. For instance, a person who wants to perform my start thinking of all bad things that may happen on stage and eventually get shy to perform on stage. But since shyness is related to fear, and fear can be overcame, so also shyness.

• Ways to overcoming shyness

Some practices helps to rule out shyness, they've helped me too. They are as follows:

✓Think happy thoughts: Thinking happy thoughts is an antidote to many problems including shyness. When you think happy thoughts, it makes you forget pains and worries. So, thinking happy thoughts cab help you overcome your shyness.

✓Rehearse and master your speech: Thoroughly practicing what you want to say, maybe in a public gathering would help lessen your shyness. Rehearse loudly, even in front of a mirror or your family. Try it without your script. Even if it isn't perfect, be proud you gave it a go,encourage yourself. Doing this would help you feel more at ease with yourself. You can round it all up by reciting words of confidence and encouragement to yourself before your speech or conversation. I usually recite the Japanese mantra;

    

   'Kore wa nani mo imi shimasen'

meaning 'This means nothing'. This three word statement I grabbed from an Anime is a powerful spirit lifter.

✓Practice socialisation with familiar people: Practice steady eye contact, confident body language, Asking questions and the likes with people you are familiar with like your friends and family. You build your confidence this way. Confident body language includes wearing a smile, having a firm handshake, perfect posture etc. These make you look more confident than you are and prevent people from taking advantage of your shyness.

✓Think of conversation starters: Try to think of conversation starters before a conversation especially with new/unfamiliar people. Don't dive head on into a new conversation or you might get short of words and get embarrassed. A conversation starter may be a compliment or a question,etc.

✓Avoid belittling yourself: Shyness is also a result of low self-esteem. Don't belittle yourself. You're perfect the way you are. There's no difference between you and that person or persons you want to speak to, or you and that celebrity you need an autograph from. You are all humans. Just imagine your conversation like you're talking to your friend or relation. You don't have to fidget while talking to your fellow human.

✓Don't focus on the aftermath of your mistake: Try not to bother yourself with what would happen if you made a mistake. If you continue to imagine what would happen if you made a mistake, you will not be able to build your confidence and you may even lose the little confidence you have. Remember 'kore wa nani mo imi shimasen'.

Finally, always a being shy is only bad when you let it become a hindrance in your life, especially your social life.

Namaste ❤️